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When I read your post, it struck me as a reasonable representation of the way middle-school girls think. I don't say that to be cutting. It's the reaction I had and I truly believe being a little immature is far preferable to having some deep-seated gender issue and much easier to fix. Why are middle school girls so observant and judgmental of each other? I'm winging it here but it has something to do with the growing mind's belief that the way to gauge security and forge identity is to (constantly) compare one's self to others. They tend to beauty/desirability/femininity as a zero-sum game meaning if someone has a positive attribute, it reflects negatively on them; and if someone has a negative attribute, it reflects positively on them. The better question is why middle school girls STOP being that way. Someone must have a fancy answer. Where are the female photographers at? What comes to my mind is their world broadens. They learn through experience that appearance isn't the only yardstick. Also, as sense of self increases and self-centeredness decreases, they realize the attributes of others have no bearing on self. I read your post as suffering from the human condition and maybe needing to develop more interests, focus on other yardsticks, work a little harder to women as people, as opposed to threats. Maybe work on valuing non-sexual relationships a little more. Definitely work on being less judgmental toward others AND yourself. I could be wrong: maybe you do have some big issue. But if I were you, I'd START by thinking of it as a stage everyone goes through plus the habit of judging. If you're stuck on either, maybe therapy.
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The point being, someone else may have similar pattern taste (therefore the title), which is a weak link, but better than nothing (or the obvious.)
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