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Birds of a feather
It always amused me, the never ending question of whether people defined by commonalities, or differences, are more effectively attracted to one another, and form stronger bonds.
"Birds of a feather flock together "
but
"Opposites attract."
The one thing that I think I really like about BDSM is that it actually brings these two concepts together. For what could be more fundamentally different than the mentality of a Dom(me) versus that of a submissive? And yet, those personalities share the same defining lifestyle. Of course, the same thing can be said for sex in general. Can a man ever really understand what a womans orgasm feels like, or vice versa? But the difference is this: sex alone is base in nature, relatively devoid of the mentality. Ones role in the lifestyle, on the other hand, is defined by mentality.
And thats where it all really becomes interesting to me.
I am dominant, and a sadist. I cant imagine ever being another way. Control is as necessary as the food I eat, and as fulfilling as the finest of feasts. The trust placed in me by someone willing to give up their control is like the most precious thing in the world. It is something that I, myself, could never conceive of giving, so the notion that I receive it from someone else is nothing less than amazing.
It is the giving of this trust, the handing over of this control, that of course begins a session.
A BDSM session is a beautiful exploration of physical sensations. I once knew a submissive who referred to himself as a "sensation slut." I think thats an insightful way of describing what a submissive seeks in a session, and comes as close as any description ever has to imparting on me some of the submissive gestalt.
For me, the Dominant, the pleasure is in creation of those sensations. During a session, a body is a canvas, upon which beauty is created. I play with every inch of the body, creating sensations abound. Clothespins, floggers, straps, candles, ice, and a myriad other toys are my brushes, and upon the body I enjoy creating sensations that are savored in my own mind even as I impart them.
Interestingly enough, the submissive guides the session, perhaps moreso than I do. This is the final significance of the trust she has placed in meit allows me an unrestricted dialogue with her body, which is the ultimate guide for what sensations are to be imparted during a session.
After the physical session is over, though, the fun has only just begun. Now comes the psychology. Our fundamental differencesubmissive versus Dominanthas made possible this session we shared in common. But can I ever really understand the experience I just went through, seen from the perspective of my submissive? The sensation, mental, of relinquishing the control I consider so valuable in an act of trust. The sensation, physical, of becoming the canvas for the scene that ensues.
In the end, I can spend hours talking about all sorts of things. I love to talk politics, philosophy, and critique movies. But, in all those topics, one will come to a point where perspectives are defined and established, and then the parties either agree, or argue it out until one is right and the other wrong. Exploring psychology does not have to come down to that base outcome. Exploring psychology is about listening, not waiting for your turn to talk. Its about actually wanting to understand something shared by the person youre with and what better starting point for such an endeavor than the openness of BDSM.
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