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it sounds like you are making an effort and he isn't. While he is disrespecting you, you are massaging his feet. You need to break that cycle. Even if he did have a bad day at work, that still doesn't make it right for him to come home and take it out on his family. No one is perfect, on occasion we all have bad days and take it out on the people we care about- the difference is that in relationships, it happens only on occasion; people in relationships can be made mindful of their behavior, apologize, and work to correct it. They work to correct it because they respect and care about their relationship. I don't get the impression that he is doing any of those things. A person is responsible for their own behaviors and actions; period. Stop justifying his poor behavior, you are living in denial!It is not okay for him to treat you poorly, no matter what the circumstances, ever. It is not okay. Get it? Sometimes people are in a bad mood and take it out on others; it happens, but it is not okay. Get your head back into reality! Quit justifying his bad behavior; stop trying to be the perfect wife if he isn't appreciating it. Go to counseling. Stay at your mother's house when he treats you badly if he isn't open to a respectful and constructive discourse; don't come home until discussions on how to improve upon his mood and an action plan for improvement is devised. Also, be open to change yourself. Bettering a relationship takes two, you also need to show initiative to correct certain attributes which he might feel are unhelpful. don't allow him to manipulate you in this area, but you also need to be open enough for your own self exploration and self examination. You can't put all the blame on him if you have the discussion, you have to be neutral and take responsibility for your half. If the discussion is all about his flaws, he become defensive and feel attacked. But if it is about the two of you and the state of your marriage and what the both of you need to do to change it, he be more receptive. For christsake, don't massage his feet if he is treating you poorly! These extras are rewards; reward him when you notice him putting forth effort to change. Reward him when his behavior makes you feel cared for. It is time to reinvent yourself as a self respecting woman. A new you.
